Jason's Movie Blog

Hello, everyone! With the year of 2019 officially over, it’s time to exam the “best” and “worst” movies that of that year. Indeed, there was a lot of movie releases seeing in 2019. In total, I’ve personally seeing (and reviewed) over 98 movies in 2019 (93 of them where released in 2019); some were very recognizable, while others were “sleepers” that flew underneath the mainstream radar. There were also a lot of movies that made big money at the box office in 2019 as well as some that gained critical praise from both critics and moviegoers. And yet (in amidst those movies), 2019 saw a number of pretty “bad” films. Whether by a flat story, bad acting, weak writing, or poor execution, these movies were just plan horrible with little to no interest in purchasing a ticket to see it theaters or to buy / rent it for its home release a few months later.

Naturally, I have a “Best” movies of 2019, but let’s get the bad ones out of the way first. Here’s my personal top ten worst movies of 2019. But before I begin, here are some other “horrible” (I mean dishonorable) runner-ups that almost made it on my top ten worst move list of 2019.

Runner Ups

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(Click on the picture for full review)

GEMINI MAN

“Double Trouble Mediocrity”

 

THE LAST SUMMER

“A Shallow (And Outdated) “Coming of Age” Dramedy”

 

THE SUN IS ALSO A STAR

“A Cheesy, Silly, And Pretentious Contemporary Teen Drama”

 

WHERE’D YOU GO BERNADETTE

“A Quirky, Confusing, And Bland Dramedy”

 

MEN IN BLACK: INTERNATIONAL

“A Far From Stellar Spin-off / Reboot Endeavor”

And now my top ten!!!

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10: Arctic Dogs

Rating: 2.2 Out of 5

Review: Arctic Dogs

2019 saw a lot of animated releases, but some animated feature fell to the wayside and failed to impress. This being the case with Arctic Dogs, a cartoon motion picture of a young arctic fox wanting to be “Top Dog” of his town’s courier service team. Despite a solid performance of Renner, majority of the film just doesn’t go anywhere and ends up being an iffy (if serviceable) animated movie at best and a forgetful one at worst. It gets the job done in its story, but lacks the certain quality narration that other recent animated feature films have accomplished (storytelling wise). In the end, Arctic Dogs is a bland and uninspiring project, which will end up being one of those movies that will be a lost and forgotten endeavor in children’s entertainment.

9: Charlie’s Angels

Rating: 2.2 Out of 5

Review: Charlie’s Angels

In a cinematic age of remakes and reboots, the idea of reviving Charlie’s Angels brand sounds good on paper, but the 2019 product of this particular remake fails horribly. Despite some slick action sequences and likeable trio of lead actress, the rest of the movie just can’t overcome its overall derivate nature of being predictable, lazy, messy, and just plain archaic clichés of female empowerment that seem dated and out of touch with today’s world. Just watch the original Charlie’s Angels TV shows (for the OGs out there) or even the two 2000s movies (you’ll get more out of them than this particular reboot film). In short, 2019’s Charlie’s Angels just comes off unwanted and dated reboot / remake that no one really asked for. The “Angels” are back, but that’s not really a good thing.

8: Shaft

Rating: 2.2 Out of 5

Review: Shaft

Speaking of remakes, 2019 saw the release of Shaft, another old property that tries to attempt to bring a sense of nostalgia feel and updating the material for the iconic character of John Shaft in today’s world. While the movie does a few decent action scenes and a fun performance from Jackson, the film itself is just a subpar endeavor; relying too heavily on its premise, a generic story, a convoluted plot, flat writing, uninteresting / weak characters, okay-ish acting talents, and an unbalanced selection of humorous nuances. Basically, if you want to see Samuel L. Jackson playing the character of Shaft…. just watch the 2000 version of Shaft (it’s the more superior of the two). In the end, much like Tim Story’s Ride Along movies, 2019’s Shaft is a good idea on paper, but is really a dull and tiresomely boring feature that never really comes into its own groove. Can’t really dig it….

7: A Madea Family Funeral

Rating: 2.2 Out of 5

Review: A Madea Family Funeral

Tyler Perry’s Madea character has become a caricature parody unto itself….and that’s not a good thing. However, Perry plans to retire his linebacker size / outspoken character, with the release of A Madea Family Funeral. Unfortunately, while the movie does have stirring message of abuse (something akin to many of Perry’s more serious endeavors) and a few sparse comedic bits, the majority of the film is just bland and tiresome with too many uninteresting characters, perplexing family dynamics, uneven thematic tones, boring comedic sketches scenes, and just lazy writing throughout. In the end, much like what I’ve said repeatedly about his previous works, it’s really just a shame that Tyler Perry chooses to produce such low quality endeavors (as he is quite a talented individual) and A Madea Family Funeral is the perfect example of this; ending his infamous character of Madea on just a messy, haphazard, and unsatisfying note with little entertainment fanfare.

6: 47 Meters Down: Uncaged

Rating: 2.1 Out of 5

Review: 47 Meters Down: Uncaged

Hell isn’t made of fire and brimstone, but rather the relentless slog through the depths of the underwater abyss (and predators that swim therein). Or so that’s what you are made to believe in the movie 47 Meters Down: Uncaged, the spiritual sequel to the laughable / campy 2017 film. While a few snippets of its production designs and some peaked moments of terror, the movie is terribly bland (a combination of a thinly written narrative, uninteresting characters, predictable suspense, and just a weak overall feature. It’s a “B” rated cheesy fest that doesn’t really have an appeal and can’t escape its own DTV (direct-to-video) vibe. In the end, despite a few takeaways, 47 Meters Down: Uncaged is just a flat out bore with little engagement within its undercooked thrills of the underwater terrors of the deep and weak protagonist characters to even care about throughout its 89-minute runtime.

5: The Hustle

Rating: 2.0 Out of 5

Review: The Hustle

As I mentioned above, remakes are still “all the rage” in Hollywood; retooling and repurposing older ideas and presenting them in a spin for modern moviegoers. That being said, The Hustle, which is 2019 remake of 1988’s Dirty Rotten Scoundrel (which is also a remake of 1964’s Bedtime Story), is one of those endeavors that is quite DOA (dead on arrival) from its opening scene. Despite a female gender swap in the lead con-artist roles (to mix up the formula), majority of the film just falls utterly flat from its vanilla and thin narrative, a weak direction from Addison, predictable twists and progression, humdrum comedy jokes and gags, uninspiring caricature characters, formulaic tropes and shticks of acting talents, and just really being a boring movie. While Hollywood will continue to craft features films of con artists, The Hustle stands as a cautionary film of ways not to approach remake endeavor by shaping an older property into something that is bland, unoriginal, and flat out lackluster boring comedy motion picture.

4: X-Men: Dark Phoenix

Rating: 1.9 Out of 5

Review: X-Men: Dark Phoenix

With Disney’s recent acquisition of 20^th Century Fox, it seemed that the X-Men brand would eventually fold into their Marvel Cinematic Universe. However, X-Men: Dark Phoenix makes 20^th Century Fox’s “last stand” with their popular superhero franchise series (with Disney releasing after their acquisition of the company). Despite the story / plot being slightly better than what was achieved in X-Men: The Last Stand and fun to see all of the returning cast reprising their roles (one last time), majority of the film ends up being a colossal disappointment. From the terrible narrative path, to the bland action, to the poorly written characters, to the plethora of wasted talents, to a rushed pacing, to anti-climactic third act showdown, and to an overall lackluster presentation throughout, Dark Phoenix just represents how a good idea on paper can go horribly wrong when translating it to motion picture. From onset to conclusion, Dark Phoenix (to me) feels profound unnecessary, totally generic, and disappointing underwhelming. In the end, when it’s all said and done, X-Men: Dark Phoenix doesn’t rise from the ashes, but rather falls from grace; leaving many viewers out there disappointed and unsatisfied to end this beloved movie franchise on a lackluster finale.

3: Playmobil: The Movie

Rating: 1.8 Out of 5

Review: Playmobil: The Movie

As I said above, 2019 saw plenty of solid animated movies, with the release of Toy Story 4, How to Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World, Frozen II, and The LEGO Movie 2: The Second Part. Then…there was Playmobil: The Movie, which sought bring the iconic children’s toy line into a animated medium; similar to what LEGOs did with 2014’s The LEGO Movie. What went wrong? Well, pretty much everything as the film was just woefully terrible, which derives from the bland script, dated narrative, lackadaisical humor, generic characters, a disappointing presentation, and (above all else) a complete unentertaining film. Besides maybe some of the voice talents involved, I felt that the movie was derivatively bland, hodgepodge, weak, unfunny, and just a downright bore, with little entertainment; a sort of gimmicky premise that backfires. Even kids will probably find it to be a snoozer, with a better effort made by watching one of the recent LEGO Movies entries instead. It’s no wonder that the movie was quickly pulled from theaters and having the worst opening weekend ever for a film playing in over 2,300 theaters in the US. When it’s all said and done, Playmobil: The Movie is an unsatisfying / cheap knock off to its LEGO brick counterpart that never quite knows what it wants (other than a quick “cash and grab” from its viewers). As one character says in the movie… “Life is not full of adventures! It’s full of disappointments!” ….and that’s exactly what Playmobil: The Movie is…. full is disappointments.

2: Rambo: Last Blood

Rating: 1.7 Out of 5

Review: Rambo: Last Blood

Along with the character of Rocky Balboa in the Rocky / Creed movies, the character of John Rambo has certainly been a primary staple for actor Sylvester Stallone’s career; crafting a persona of U.S Army veteran, who is traumatized by his experience in the Vietnam War, and uses the skills he gained there to fight corrupt police officers, enemy troops, and drug cartels. However, much like Hugh Jackman with 2017’s Logan, Stallone seems to want to retire the character and one wants “one last ride” for his Rambo character, with 2019 seeing the release of Rambo: Last Blood. While Stallone is still incredibly solid in the role and some of the theatrical presentation nuances work, majority of the film just squanders that opportunity that was potential given for the character’s final stand, including a shallow story, weak characterization, a rushed narrative, unnecessarily excessive gore / violence, and just a simple hollow shell of a movie. Heck, even Rambo creator David Morell dislikes this movie and saying “The film is a mess. Embarrassed to have my name associated with it.” Now that’s same something. In the end, after starting a popular franchise (worthy of the action genre), Rambo: Last Blood fizzles out the greatness of the character; ending on such a sour and unsatisfying note. What could’ve been an R-rated yet soulful farewell to John Rambo ends with an uninspiring and incredibly bland feature…and that’s the really disappointment.

1: Hellboy

Rating: 1.5 Out of 5

Review: Hellboy

So, what could be worse than a terrible Shark survival movie, a bad remake that’s overstuffed with archaic clichés, another poorly executed Tyler Perry movie, a lackluster X-Men finale, and a horribly bland ending for John Rambo? Well, the answer is quite simple…. It’s Hellboy!

Of course, as many as you know, 2019’s Hellboy was to be a reboot of the iconic comic book character, with director Guillermo Del Toro’s duology Hellboy movies (its 2004 release and its 2008 sequel) the first bringing Mike Mignola’s characters to life. While the movie was more “in-line” with some of the earlier comic book narratives (as well as having some fun with its mythmaking and lore) as a more faithful adaptation, majority of the movie is woefully and terribly presented. What’s wrong with the movie. Well, as I said…. pretty much all of it. Everything from a bland script / story, an inconsistent tone, a muddled plot, too much exposition, rushed narrative pieces, excessive gore / violence, terrible characterizations, a waste of acting talents, and just being downright uninspiringly entertaining to boot. Even actor David Harbour gives a decent performance in the role of the film’s title character, but he’s no Ron Perlman.

To me, the movie was just a hodgepodge of ideas that really didn’t work; offering up a disappointing motion picture that felt devoid of energy and ultimately lifeless to the touch. Like I said, it definitely makes Del Toro’s two Hellboy movies (whether you liked them or not) feel like masterpieces. Given its poor reception, displeasing appeal to critics / moviegoers, and its weak box office results, it looks like the promised franchise tag for this new reboot / remake of “Big Red” is DOA (dead on arrival). Thus, when everything is said and done, Hellboy is just uber violent, uninterestingly boring, and messy failure that hardly inspires much cinematic entertainment value. All I have left to say is simply….to hell with this movie!

 

There you have it…my top ten worst movies of 2019. Of course, I did skip some movies in theaters, so there some bad movies of 2019 that I didn’t see (i.e The Goldfinch, Jexi, Countdown, Fanatic, etc.) So, what do you guys think? What was your top ten worst movies of 2019? Check back soon and I’ll be posting my personal top ten best movies of 2019…